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How to perform fellatio

18 Feb
Whether you use the technical term fellatio or call it a blow job, going down on a man, or giving him head, performing fellatio is an act that requires a lot of trust and a little bit of knowledge.
Social messages about fellatio suggest that guys love it so much they don’t care about technique. In reality there is a lot of variation in fellatio skills, and knowing how to read your partner, what to do to him, and when to do it can make all the difference. If you’ve got the basics down you can read more about advanced fellatio technique.
Time Required: Fellatio can be fast and dirty or slow and seductive, no set time required.
Here’s How:
  1. Start him off nice and clean.
    Social stigma seems to focus on the taste of women’s genitals more than men’s. In fact men can smell and taste just as strong as women. If you’re new to fellatio, you might be worried about taste and smell. If so, suggest a sexy bath or shower together and start with a clean slate. You can also add a bit of flavored personal lubricant to his penis or put on a flavored condom, which is great for safer oral sex.
  2. Physical comfort is key.
    You can’t have fun and perform well if you’re not physically comfortable, and fellatio can put a strain on your neck and jaw. Kneeling before him on a pillow, while he’s standing or sitting, gives you good range of motion and plenty of access. If you’ve had bad experiences with fellatio where you felt lack of control, have him on his back and crouch in between his legs. Giving head can put you in a major power position, if you like that feeling then go for it.
  3. Tease him with touch.
    Using your hands first, gently caress his inner thighs, penis, testicles, and perineum, paying attention to his reactions (verbal and facial) as you touch certain spots. The most sensitive spot on a guy’s penis is the head (known as the glans), especially the frenulum, an indentation between the glans and the shaft on the underside of the penis. You might want to brush up on your knowledge of male sexual anatomy , to know what you’re working with.
  4. Give him a lick.
    Follow up with your tongue, exploring the same terrain using slow wide strokes with your tongue. Don’t be afraid to use lots of saliva, as this natural lube feels great and helps create friction and suction. There are many STDs that can be passed during fellatio, using flavored condoms is a great way to practice safer sex and deal with any taste you may not like. It is also a perfect way to get guys who say they have difficulty with condoms, to gladly put one on.
  5. Take him in your mouth.
    When he’s semi-erect, slowly guide your lips over the tip of his penis, making sure your lips cover your teeth as you slide gently down his shaft as far as you’re comfortable. Keep your mouth taut, as the pressure from your lips will feel great as they glide down the penis. Putting him in your mouth before he is fully erect is a good way of getting comfortable with the size of his penis, particularly if he is in the larger range.
  6. Watch the gag reflex.
    If you’re not adept at deep throat (taking the whole penis in your mouth), don’t try it or you’ll trigger the gag reflex. It’s not necessary and a similar effect can be achieved with the hand and mouth technique described below. With practice, you can learn to relax your gag reflex and take in more of the penis.
  7. Use your mouth and tongue.
    As your head travels up the underside of the penis, flatten your tongue so it gives his frenulum a nice wide, wet stroke. Don’t be afraid to try different types of licks or kisses—the lips feel good when popped over the ridge of the penis—but perform each stroke repeatedly before changing to give consistent pleasure.
  8. Have fun with the foreskin.
    If your partner is uncircumcised, insert your tongue into the foreskin and circle around the head with it. You can also use your fingers to gently massage the head through the foreskin, alternating with deep tongue licks.
  9. Using your mouth and hand, tip #1.
    A great blow job incorporates both hands and mouth. Place one hand around the shaft of his penis while you move up and down on the top half of his penis. Try coordinating your movements so your hand and mouth are going up and down in unison. If you’re partner is thrusting, your hand will prevent his penis from being pushed too far into your mouth.
  10. Using your mouth and hand, tip #2.
    If he likes this combination, bring your hand all the way up the shaft (following your mouth), remove your mouth briefly, use your palm to slide and twist over the head (as if you were juicing an orange), and then glide your hand back down followed by your mouth again. Repeat.
  11. Let him come.
    When he’s ready to orgasm, keep your movements consistent and firm—don’t slack off. Once he starts ejaculating, see him through with a few strokes and then stop, as most men don’t want continued stimulation once they’ve ejaculated and had an orgasm.
  12. To swallow or not to swallow?
    This decision is entirely up to you. There’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t want to, but it’s nice to let your partner know it’s nothing personal. If you don’t want to swallow, and you aren’t familiar with the signs of imminent ejaculation , let him know you want a warning. Remove your mouth as he’s about to ejaculate, and continue hand stroking through his orgasm.
Tips:
  1. Don’t forget the rest of his body. The scrotum and testicles (balls) are particularly sensitive, and most men like them to be stimulated. Try lightly licking or touching his testicles during oral sex. He might also like them to be cradled gently in one of your hands. Some men go wild when you place your hand around the top of the scrotum and gently tug down.
  2. You can also apply pressure to his perineum (the spot between his anus and his penis) with one or two fingers, as this also can feel good.
  3. He might like wearing a butt plug during fellatio for added prostate stimulation. Or you can apply pressure to his anus with one of your fingers.

Next blog: Oral Sex Tips for Women

6 Ridiculous Sex Myths (That Are Actually True)

29 Jan

By Cracked.com. Some scenarios may be a bit graphic.

The only thing more awesome than an urban legend turning out to be true is if that same legend involves some sort of nefarious sex or groin related hilarity.

Luckily, all of these qualify.

#6.

Digit Ratio Theory

The Legend:

“Dude, I can totally tell he’s gay! Look at his fingers!”

This sounds like one of those playground urban myths that adolescent males use as an excuse to punch each other. Supposedly, comparing the size of your index and ring fingers can tell whether a guy is destined to one day make out with Sulu and Andy Dick in a poorly lit alley in Hollywood.

Yeah, right. Enough of your ignorant homophobia!

The Truth:

Incredibly, this is a real thing. It’s called digit ratio theory and multiple studies have confirmed it.

Apparently if you have a longer ring finger, it means you got more testosterone as a fetus and are more likely to be hyperactive, aggressive and disgusted by anything featuring Hugh Grant.

A longer index finger, on the other hand, means more estrogen, making you more neurotic and sensitive. So if your index finger is way longer than your ring finger, you’re like the gayest dude ever, right?

Actually, no. Studies found that it was when the two fingers were nearly the same length that the subjects were more likely to be gay (men and women both). Why? You’ll have to ask the scientists, it’s technical. What we do know is a study from Rutgers looking at finger lengths in lesbians even found a noticeable difference between the “butch” ladies who drive trucks and wear flannel and the more feminine lesbians who tend to populate your fantasies.

So… how far into this entry did you get before you stopped to look at your fingers?

#5.
The Dong Stuck in a Pool Filter

The Legend:

So you’re swimming around the pool and you pass by the humming filter, sucking debris out of the water. “Hey, watch out!” yells one of your friends. “I know a guy who totally got his dick stuck in one of those!”

The Truth:

Did you dream about being a cop when you were a kid? Chasing bad guys and sliding over the hoods of cars? Well, here’s a nice story for you that gives you a better idea of the day-to-day life of a law enforcement officer.


“I bet I’ll never have to touch some dude’s dong.”

The police force in Lakeland, FL responded to a call from the Scottish Inn motel. The clerk had called 911 just before 5 A.M. because who else do you call when a customer tries to hump your aquatic equipment and is then unable to free himself?


See how there’s no spot for your dong? Why do you think that is?

Cops arrived and did what they assumed would save the day by shutting off the pump. Problem solved, right?

They could only wish. For those who’ve never spent a half hour or so playing penis tug-o-war with a suction filter, the result is massive swelling that, as it turns out, prohibits wang removal even when the pump is shut off.

Feeling not quite up to the task of shlong-liberation and assuming additional humiliation for the dude in the pool was in order, paramedics were called in. Presumably a pretty huge crowd had gathered at this point, to enjoy a solid hour of heavy lube application and group tugging until finally someone was able to make a poetic Free Willy joke and the man was taken to the hospital.

#4.
The Call Girl Daughter

The Legend:

A man is sent out of town for business on the company dime. Upon arrival he wastes no time and gets right to business. And by business we mean, of course, “whores.”

As he carefully arranges his bondage gear and furry outfits, there is a knock on the door. His whore has arrived. He opens the door, boner at full strength, to discover the call girl is none other than his own daughter. Awkward Thanksgivings ensue for years after.

The Truth:

In 2002, an Israeli businessman was sent to a resort called Eilat for four days where presumably his company expected him to relax a bit, learn a few new tricks to apply back at the office and not try to pork his own daughter. Very likely that was in some manner of memo regarding what was acceptable behavior during his time away, wedged between “no gambling” and “no filling your ass with firecrackers.”


“Do I care if she’s my daughter? Uh, if you can at all avoid it, that’d be best, but don’t go crazy.”

Unable to control his insatiable need to bone, the man ordered a call girl on his first night there. Sure enough, the woman that was sent to his room just happened to be his little girl.

The man in question suffered a minor heart attack upon seeing his daughter there, either from anguish or from the rush of blood caused by the history’s fastest wilting boner. After taking a few moments to collect themselves, we assume they shared an awkward hug and the man left for home.

Likely perplexed about the best way to deal with the situation, he opted to ignore our “drink away the memories” advice and instead told his wife everything. She then vowed to not only find a better occupation for her daughter–which is arguably anything since very few occupations these days result in sex with your dad outside of some Wal-Marts in the South–but also to divorce the man.

#3.
The Orgasm Pill

The Legend:

The future is here! Why go through the time and expense of old-fashioned masturbation when you can get a prescription for a pill that will give you an instant orgasm!

The Truth:

Remember those old ads in comic books that promised a somewhat perverse world of X-ray specs, rabies-riddled raccoons and abundant facial hair? Deep down you knew that those wonderful products were too good to be true, but there was enough hope to convince you to invest. That is the exact feeling 99 percent of everyone gets when they hear about a supposed wonder drug that delivers an orgasm to its user.

Meet clomipramine.


Like a less disgusting Ron Jeremy. Also easier to swallow.

An anti-depressant in use since the 60s, this little pill has the sexual prowess of most NBA superstars but with less VD and paternity disputes. It also causes weight gain, nausea and, oddly enough, impotence in men; but even a fat, nauseous dude with a limp noodle has to be pretty stoked if he’s having spontaneous orgasms.

And, sure enough, around one in 20 people that take the pill will get off whenever they yawn. Why yawning? Why not?

Lest you go thinking it’s time to pop a few of these, put on a Renee Zellwegger movie and bore your way to sexual paradise, keep in mind that while five percent of people experience orgasms, most of the other 95 percent have the exact opposite reaction. But, damnit, we have to try.

#2.
Sex with Power Tools

The Legend:

A man mangles his crotch on a piece of heavy machinery because he was negligently masturbating at work, unlike the rest of us who ensure we’re masturbating at work responsibly.

This one comes off like either a horror story the guys down at the mill tell each other during night shift, or a piece of anti-workplace masturbation propaganda invented by Human Resources.

The Truth:

It was the good people at Snopes who tracked this down. But be forewarned. The following story is terrifying in every sense of the word.


We offer this as compensation.

One day, a lonely middle-aged fellow was killing time in a machine shop and feeling a little frisky. Apparently a thrill seeker with too much testosterone or a heretofore unidentified brand of functional retardation, the man sought a more exciting masturbation method. He had apparently made it a tradition to rub one out by grinding his genitals against the canvas drive-belt of a large floor-based piece of running machinery.

You can see where this is going.

If you’ve ever humped a piece of shop equipment then you know how easy it is to lose yourself in the moment. You may also know how easy it is to get your scrotum caught in it and get tossed across the room by your now-torn open sack.

In lieu of the normal response of weeping in the fetal position while holding together his devastated dick meat, the guy grabbed the nearest staple gun and proceeded to pump eight one-inch staples into himself in a feeble attempt to patch together what was left of his sack.

Then he finished his shift.

He only went to the hospital three days later for treatment of a potential infection. At the hospital doctors found an impressive infection and another surprise, the entire left testicle was missing (likely some lucky coworker stumbled upon it at work later in the week).

The doctor wouldn’t release the man’s name for privacy reasons, but we’re surprised every corporation on earth doesn’t have this guy on a poster in the break room, with the slogan, “Ask yourself: Would this man have called in sick with the sniffles?”

#1.
The Wedding Beastiality Video

The Legend:

A couple gets married and has the ceremony recorded. At the reception they decide to play the video, but instead of seeing the newlyweds exchanging vows, they are treated to a man exchanging fluids with a dog. And we don’t mean via an I.V.

The Truth:

In 1994, Derek Jeffrey loaned a friend his camcorder to use at a wedding. Normally wedding videos are the sorts of things you let sit and get dusty in a closet along side the juicer you bought from HSN and grandma. On this day, however, they decided to watch the wedding video at the wedding reception, possibly because the bride had that memory condition from the movie Memento and couldn’t remember what had happened earlier that day.

If that was the case, she was likely doubly confused when, instead of her nuptials, she and her guests were treated to a tape of a naked geriatric man’s sexual conquest of a bull terrier named Ronnie.


Not Ronnie (probably).

Seems Derek had neglected to take the tape from his video camera and the camera man hadn’t bothered to fully rewind to tape over it. When he was brought to court on charges of bestiality, his first defense was that he meant to erase the film, also known as the “I wouldn’t have done it if I thought I’d get caught” defense, which rarely works.

Jeffrey went on to explain how it was an honest mistake. He said that he only made the tape after he and his buddies watched a porn involving people and animals. He then borrowed his neighbor’s dog, presumably by not mentioning he wanted to defile the animal, and attempted to prove to his friends that the interspecies romance could be faked using camera tricks. And apparently this bit of myth busting required him to be completely naked.

Still, we like that he came very close to the “it was all done with CGI” defense that we’ve always wanted to try.

 

 

Older adults turning to online dating

26 Jan

LEADER-POST

Individuals over the age of 50 are turning more frequently to Internet dating to find a new significant other.

Lust CosmeticsAfter losing a loved one or completing a divorce, many baby boomers are considering getting back into the dating pool. In busy times filled with work responsibilities and family obligations, logging on to the computer to find a date can be much easier than finding a date in a social setting. Internet dating sites often provide a good number of candidates for busy people to consider.

Twenty-two per cent of the registered members of Match.com are over the age of 50. There’s a good chance that other popular dating sites also have a growing number of older participants as well. There are also dating sites geared to the over50 crowd to make narrowing down prospects even easier.

Finding oneself in midlife and looking for a date or new mate is actually quite common. Thousands of people are in the same situation. In a September 2003 study of singles aged 55+, The American Association for Retired People discovered that 49 per cent of respondents cited, “Having someone to talk to or do things with” as the most important reason for dating.

Seniors dating can have a unique set of challenges in comparison to younger daters. These include:

. Habits or routines that have developed after months or years of living single.

. Added baggage from divorce.

. Older children who may not be keen to their parents dating again.

. Elderly parents who need care.

. Physical appearance woes, such as wrinkles and extra weight.

. Medical conditions that may be embarrassing or serious.

. Self-esteem issues from being out of the dating loop for so long.

Baby Boomers now represent more than a quarter of the population, and many are being spurred on by children to look into online dating.

 

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