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Cougar Life accuses Google of sexism

19 May

By Kenyon Wallace, Canwest News Service  (Click here to read original article link)

The founder of a Toronto-based dating website for older women looking for younger men is accusing Google of sexism after the web giant labelled Internet ads for “cougar” dating sites as “non-family safe,” while ads for many sites promoting liaisons between older men and younger women remain “family safe.”

Lust CosmeticsClaudia Opdenkelder, founder of CougarLife.com, says she was informed this month by her Google account manager that the Mountainview, Calif.-based Google is classifying ads promoting the concept of “cougar dating” — think Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher — as unsafe for family audiences, even if the ads contain no sexually suggestive words or images.

Meanwhile, ads for so-called “sugar daddy” websites — such as Arrangementseekers.com, a forum for older men and younger women to meet, which sports the slogan: “Get the arrangement you want . . . without the commitment” — continue to be labelled “family safe” by Google, according to Cougar Life’s parent company, Avid Life Media.

“It’s a huge double standard, and I think women should just be appalled,” said Opdenkelder, 39, a self-professed cougar who has been dating a man 14 years her junior for two years.

“Cougar Life was made for women . . . single moms, divorcees and women that are just looking for a second chance at love. In any relationship, obviously there’s going to be intimacy, but it’s not a sex-related site where we’re trying to push sexual relations.”

Cougar Life, which has signed up more than half a million members since its launch last year, bills itself as “the premier online dating service that pairs women in their prime with younger men and ends the double standard.”

Until a few weeks ago, its banner and text ads — featuring photos no less innocuous than a man or woman smiling accompanied by the words, “Think all the good guys are taken?” — were running on millions of websites that outsource their ad space to Google.

Google spokeswoman Wendy Rozeluk denied that sexism plays any part in the decisions the company makes relating to which ads it labels “non-family safe” or “adult.”

Rather, she said, the company has a list of words that trigger a review of the site and associated ads before a decision is made. She would not confirm whether “cougar” was one of the trigger words.

“It’s not just about the ad — it’s about the ad and the landing page of the site,” Rozeluk said. “Anything that’s considered non-family safe will not run on the Google content network at this point.”

A quick Internet search reveals Google-sponsored ads for various websites that purport to offer comparable services to Cougar Life. For example, an ad for Anastasiadate.com boasts “15,000 sexy Russian & Ukraine women for friendship, love & marriage!” while Eligiblegreeks.com proclaims “Greek Dating — Sexy Pics, Meet single Greek men and women, browse photos, send flirts & more!”

Opdenkelder says she doesn’t understand why ads that seem more provocative than those for Cougar Life are acceptable.

“We just want to be treated the same way as all the others, and the discrimination against the word ‘cougar’ makes it even worse,” she said. “It makes us — cougar women — feel like dirty perverts. I’ve been trying to fight so hard on every interview that I do that the old stigma on cougars doesn’t exist anymore, and that we’re just strong, powerful independent women who just happen to enjoy dating younger men.”

© Copyright (c) Canwest News Service
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Why women reject men

9 May

Dave Singleton, Match.com shares why women reject men:

Guys, are you wondering why she turned you down? We got five women — and a few experts — to explain.

“This is why I rejected him”

“Why did she turn me down?”

This is one of the biggest dating quandaries for men, especially those who’ve heard women claim more than once that guys never ask them out.

Are you just missing the verbal or non-verbal clues she’s sending you about her interest level? Or is she a tease who led you on, possibly to satisfy some self-serving need for attention?

To learn more, I went to the source — single women — to find out firsthand why some guys don’t even rate a first date. For every guy who’s ever heard “thanks, but no thanks,” this is your chance to solve the mystery about why she said no. The truth is that you never get a second chance to make a first impression. Learn from these five women so that you make your first impression count.

He Came On Way Too Strong

“When a guy tries too hard for a date, it’s a total turn-off. I don’t care how excited you are to go out with me or just to have a date, I don’t want to be overwhelmed. I love enthusiasm and to hear all that mushy stuff, but it matters most if it’s spaced out and you hear it after seeing a guy for awhile.”

— Mary Ann, 34, Atlanta, GA

Lesson learned: The chase counts for women, too. Start out with a little mystery and restraint that gradually and consistently builds up to telling her you’re crazy about her.

I Liked Him… But Not Like That

“He was cute and fun, but I just wanted to be friends. Maybe I did give off some physical signs. I leaned into him and touched his arm. That’s true. But I thought guys could usually tell the difference between comfortable, friendly affection and sexy flirtation.”

— Jill, 28, Washington, D.C.

Lesson learned: She may not want to tell you there’s no spark, and you don’t want to date a woman who’s not turned on by you, right? Cut your losses. “It’s probably more fulfilling to seek a different flint than to try and ignite a match-resistant flame,” says Kimberly Dawn Neumann, author of The Real Reasons Men Commit and Sex Comes First .

Men might describe this flirting confusion as “ When Harry Met Sally syndrome.” The answer to the age-old “Can men and women be friends?” conundrum sometimes depends on the two individuals in question. Conventional wisdom holds that women can be friends with men without any sexual tension, but men typically find their female friends sexually attractive. When a guy gets attention from a girl, he often assumes that she’s interested in him romantically. If he shows a lady some attention, it means he’s into her, or else he wouldn’t waste his time.

He Was Arrogant

“When he asked me out, he obnoxiously thumbed through his Blackberry, adding my number to his contacts and checking to see when his schedule was free. This narcissist used that time to fill me in on his exciting life, never once asking me about mine. He never even asked about my schedule and what worked best for me.”

— Lisa, 24, Arlington, VA

Lesson learned: You aren’t God’s gift to women, no matter how attractive or important you think you are. She likes your confidence, but check your huge, self-absorbed ego at the door before you ask her out. Or better, just lose it altogether. “Given equal attraction, cocky and too cool will lose out to charming and interested every time,” says Neumann.

He Lacked Confidence

“I wanted to like him, but he was incredibly awkward. I felt like it’d be two hours of me shifting in my seat, checking my watch, and trying to resist the urge to mother the poor guy. Call me crazy, but when I go out with a guy for the first time, I don’t want to be the babysitter, mom or coach.”

— Rachel, 34, New York, NY

Lesson learned: You can be nice and strong while still being confident and independent. These qualities aren’t mutually exclusive, you know. “The two words of advice you’ll hear the most: ‘Be confident,’” says Neil Strauss, author of The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pick-up Artists . “The same applies to social interactions: Fake it until you make it. Act as if you were secure, attractive, charismatic, fun to be around, and deserving of people’s attention and time.”

I Didn’t Want to Date a Slacker

“I think the guy I turned down thought I said no because he’s currently unemployed. He even implied that I was snobby for not giving him a chance. But his unemployment had nothing to do with it. After a few minutes of talking with him at a dinner party, I could tell he was just a little too content doing nothing. He didn’t seem to have any passions driving his life. Now, I don’t need a Wall Street tycoon to date, but come on! At least show me that you’re trying in life.”

— Mary Ann, 38, Baltimore, MD

Lesson learned: If a woman wonders what you bring to the party — literally and figuratively — then clean up your act so you show her you’re a worthy partner who has goals and aspirations.

Ladies, we asked for the man’s perspective on one of your most frustrating issues, too. Learn what they had to say in “I said I’d call, but I didn’t” .

Dave Singleton’s books, The MANdates: 25 Rules for Successful Gay Dating and Behind Every Great Woman is a Fabulous Gay Man (Advice from a Guy Who Gives it to You Straight), are available now.

The myth of being happily married

4 May

The J Spot by Josey Vogels - METRO CANADA

Married people live longer, happier, healthier lives.

At least that’s what we’re told the research says. Lust Cosmetics

But Bella DePaulo — a social psychologist based in Santa Barbara, Calif., and the author of Singled Out: How Singles are Stereotyped, Stigmatized and Ignored and Still Live Happily Ever After — says that, scientifically, this simply isn’t true.

For example, she says, much of the research looks only at those who are currently married.

“Those who divorce — well over 40 per cent who marry — are set aside,” she explains.
“Those who got married and hated it get to leave the married group. But when those researchers compare the currently married to, say, the people who have always been single, they do not look only at the 50-some per cent who are most satisfied with their single lives.”

DePaulo further challenges this research in her book and through her Living Single blog for psychologytoday.com.

So, why do we perpetuate the idea that marriage makes us happier and healthier? DePaulo believes that, as a society, this mythology about marriage is very appealing and comforting.

“The mythology says that if only you get married, you will live happily ever after and you will be healthier and live longer, too,” she says.

“The mythology presents marriage as a magical solution: Find ‘The One’ and all of the important pieces of your life will fall into place.”

And, in an age when women have more control than they used to over their financial security, their sex lives, and their reproductive potential, and that they can pursue all of those possibilities without marrying, adds DePaulo, the only way to continue to sell this myth is through psychological arguments.

“The mythology is that you can never know true happiness or the best of health unless you marry.”

In fact, one could argue that marriage can even be detrimental to one’s health.

As at least one happily married man I recently posed the question to can attest, the only health benefits he’s discovered through being married is a “healthier” waistline.

While being happily married doesn’t guarantee better health, there are things you can do to maximize the health benefits of being married.

Josey Vogels is a sex and relationship columnist and author of five books on the subjects. For more info, visit joseyvogels.com.

Click here to read the original article

Do you agree with Josey’s views? Let us know by commenting below!

VIDEO: Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2010

29 Jan

In honour of one of today’s Twitter’s trending tropics (#LingerieDay), here’s a video of the beautiful ladies of Victoria’s Secret:

Top 10: New Year’s Eve Ideas

29 Dec

Shawn Croft, askmen.com, shares  ten ways to crystallize the moment and pop into the New Year. From the wild to the tame, this list has something for everyone.

Number 10

Nothing comes close to getting away for a couple of days. If you plan early enough, you can find great bargains at some marvelous locations, for partying or some R&R. Go skiing for a couple of days, shack up in some cottage up north, or simply head out to a friend’s place with your woman.

Lust Cosmetics

Number 9

Imagine inviting family members from your side and hers to one of your places for dinner, or to a restaurant. Surely not something to do in a brand new relationship, but definitely a great icebreaker for couples who wish to take their union to the next level.

Number 8

Turn everything off, shun the parties and avoid the hassle of a trip by staying home for a quiet and romantic dinner; if you turn anything on, make it some mellow, classical music. The holidays are a good time to take it easy anyway, so sit back, relax and enjoy each other’s company.

Number 7

Invite each of your close friends. Get together and blend the two circles to see whether they jive. Add some liquor, good music and delectable food to the mix and the chips will fall into place.

Number 6

Nothing comes close to sitting in front of a fire with your girlfriend or wife, sipping on some wine and reflecting on the past year. Share your ups and downs, exchange resolutions with one another and try to help each other persevere in the year ahead.

Number 5

This is a perennial favorite. Invite some friends along and go club-hopping, just make sure that you are with your loved one when the clock strikes midnight. Champagne anyone?

Number 4

Invite friends, colleagues and family for some royal treatment at your place. You can cook or make it a potluck, where guests bring along a dish or two. Open up your wine cellar to friends, stock up the bar and go wild.

Number 3

Find out whether any masquerades, dances, or other such events are being planned in your area. Your girlfriend will love the effort and the fact that you are taking her to another world for a night, where you’ll both be tempted to loosen up and lose your inhibitions.

Number 2

Planning a trip may be a bit of a headache, but nothing else will matter once you are sitting on a beach with warm, thin, white sand under your feet and the sun soothing your skin. Toast the New Year by the ocean.

Number 1

Do something adventurous. Find out what your significant other has always wanted to do, and just do it. You live once, so you may as well live life to the fullest at the start of the year; you’ll feel like you’re on top of the world.
Pick one, but make sure you think about it carefully. After all, midnight only strikes once. Where do you wish to be?

10 of the best bad date exit strategies

20 Nov

Stuck in a bad date and not sure how to leave? Dating-sites-reviewed.com provides us with 10 of the best bad date exit strategies. We say be boring, and opt for number 10.

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With the best will in the world, not all dates are equal. Unless you’re extremely lucky (or ultra selective), the chances are that you’ll experience a bad date at some point in your dating days.

When your date is excruciatingly bad, you can be forgiven for wanting to bail out – but you might at least try to do so as nicely as possible, rather than going to the toilet and never coming back. Here are our top 10 exit strategies for getting yourself out of a bad date!

1. The crisis call exit

If you’ve got friends willing to play along, then you could pre-arrange for someone to phone you halfway through your date with an emergency crisis.

If things are going well, you don’t need to act on it, but if it’s all going pear-shaped, then hearing about a sudden crisis is good exit strategy to have. Don’t get too carried away with your crisis ideas though – keep them believable!

2. The double-booked exit

Pretending to have double-booked yourself is a good way of gently letting down a bad date, but you do need to implement the plan at the beginning of a date.

When you arrive for your date, make a point of saying that you’ve discovered at the last minute that you’ve accidentally double-booked yourself and might have to leave early. Be creative, but realistic, with your reasons – for example, it could be your workmate’s leaving do, a work event you should have been at or a friend’s party.

If your date is less than inspiring, then you can use the excuse to head off early.

Don’t worry if all goes swimmingly well and you don’t want to leave. Your date will be even more impressed that you’ve given up your time to spend with them!

3. The spillage exit

This isn’t ideal if you’re wearing your favourite frock or designer suit, but if things have got really boring and you’re hating every minute of your date, then you could always put to use the spillage exit.

This is a move best made with a bit of prior thought – it’s better to use white wine, vodka or gin, rather than red wine or beer. Put simply, you need to engineer a situation where you accidentally spill your drink all over you, with monumental effect.

If you make enough of a fuss about the whole incident, not bearing to stay in the clothes a minute longer, you can subsequently rush off home to change and get the stains out.

4. The tiredness exit

This one is ideal for anyone who is already bored to tears by their date and can’t help but yawning and looking bored. Yes, it’s the tiredness exit.

In order to pull this one off, you need to be able to suitably fake extreme tiredness, where you can’t stop yourself yawning. It’s also good to team it up with the idea that you have to be up super early the next morning for work, so need to go home early to get a good night’s sleep.

5. The illness exit

No-one wants to be suddenly struck down with dire illness on their date, but if the date is the worst you’ve ever been on, then you could enlist the help of the illness exit strategy.

This is the one where you suddenly feel unwell and have to rush off home straightaway. It could be a faked dodgy stomach (you may have to rush to the toilet several times before to really pull this one off), feeling sick or, for the girls, you could fake sudden women’s problems.

6. The parking ticket is running out exit

If time is ticking on and you can’t wait for your date to end, then you could always use the good old line that your parking ticket is running out, so you really must go.

It can work too even if you haven’t driven – just make sure he doesn’t then spot you carless and walking, as your guise will be blown.

7. The scaring him witless exit

If you don’t fancy any of the other exit strategies, and don’t feel up to faking an illness, tiredness, prior commitment or spilling something all over yourself, then you could always go for the scaring him witless exit strategy.

With this novel method, the idea is to be as scary and off-putting as possible. This could be through disagreeing with everything he says, coming up with weird and wacky made-up hobbies and activities, or indulging in raucous laughter or giggling for no apparent reason.

If successfully used, this should have your date making their own excuses pretty pronto, leaving you alone as you’d desired.

8. The long-term commitment exit

The first or second dates aren’t the place to start talking about long-term commitments – that comes further down the line – so if you’re keen to lose someone sharpish, talking about commitments is a good way of doing so.

For example, you could suddenly start talking about how you’re dying to get married as soon as possible, want to have his babies, would like your date to meet your parents tomorrow and want to move in together straightaway.

As long as you’re not out with someone who really is desperate, then you’ve got a jolly good chance of putting them off and ending the date – and any future ones – in a shot.

9. The ‘must catch my train, bus or plane’ exit

Another useful transport-related trick to have up your sleeve is the notion that you need to suddenly rush off to catch a train, bus or plane.

It could be that it’s the last train or bus back home, or that you’re need to dash to catch a plane away for work (and what an even better reason to be unable to see your date again soon, or get their calls).

As with the car park ticket exit trick, just be sure to be well out of his view if you’re not heading towards a station or airport.

10. The honesty exit strategy

If all else fails and you’re really far too nice at heart to pull off any of our other exit strategies, then there’s always the honesty exit.

Some people find it hard to do, but if you’re not enjoying the date, know you won’t get on and there’s no chemistry at all, why not just be honest and tell them. You don’t have to go into a great long explanation of what’s wrong, just keep it simple, tell them it’s not going to work and leave.

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Share your tips and experiences here!

Thank you to our followers!

2 Oct

We just wanted to say thank you to everyone who follows us on Twitter (@LustCosmetics)  and to those who read our blog daily! We love reading your comments :)

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