Sex Q & A: How can we spice up the man-on-top position?

Although Cosmopolitan is not my first choice for sex advice, here are some useful tips on how you, and the one you lust, can spice up the classic man-on-top position.

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Q: I’ve had sex in different positions, but my favorite is missionary. I don’t want to seem boring in bed. What variations can you suggest to make sex more exciting while sticking to such a traditional position?

A: You’re one of many fans of the missionary position. And it’s no surprise, considering that man-on-top mode is totally intimate, allowing you and your guy constant eye contact and easy access to kissing. Plus, it’s relatively relaxing for you, putting him in control as you lie back and enjoy. But just because missionary puts you in a more passive role, that doesn’t mean youneed to just lie there. There are plenty of ways you can work this position to spice up sex.

Once he’s inside you, have him shift his body up toward your navel so that the base of his penis and pelvic bone press against your mons (the fatty pad of tissue on top of your public bone) and clitoris. Then, instead of him thrusting, rock your bodies against each other in a back-and-forth motion. With a few minor adjustments (experiment with a pillow beneath yourbutt to adjust the angle) you should be able to hit the clitoral jackpot.

If superdeep penetration is what you crave, draw your knees toward your chest and grasp the back of your thighs. You can also place the soles of your feet on his chest or, if you’re really flexible, prop your ankles or legs up on his shoulders.

If you prefer shallow strokes, straighten your legs and keep them between his. Then, squeeze your thighs together as he glides in and out, creating extra friction against his shaft and your vaginal lips. If this motion misses your clitoris, try the pillow trick mentioned above.

Finally, feel free to experiment with your own variations on missionary until you find one you and your guy both love. And remember: It’s not the positions you do that make you fun in bed. The most important factor for between-the-sheets success is pure, unbridled enthusiasm.

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Sex Q & A: Faking Orgasm During Intercourse?

For our Sex Q & A this week, Thenest.com’s Dr. Pam Spurr, author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple’s Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure, gives advice on why you need to stop faking orgasm during intercourse.

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Q. I’m only able to orgasm when I masturbate. I’ve been faking orgasms with my guy for four years now, and I can’t tell him the truth. What else can I do?

Communicate with your partner about your sex life, and you might not need to fake anything.

 

A. It’s time to stop faking. Many women feel exactly as you do and can’t orgasm through intercourse — so don’t be ashamed of it. If you can’t face him honestly with this, then tell him you’ve “been stressed recently and are finding it hard to get aroused.” See if he’s up for trying a new form of stimulation.

It’s important in a committed relationship that you can bring up issues like this. This tactic can start real communication and help you turn a corner in your relationship. Rather than say what he’s doing wrong, guide him into recreating the feeling you get through masturbation. Take it slowly and hopefully you can spark those sensations with him. Keep in mind that there are various vibrators with a flattened shape that work well for women who enjoy manual pleasure. Get him in on the action and you won’t feel like you’re faking anymore.

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Do you or have you ever faked an orgasm? Share your comments and views about the blog post below!

Sex Q & A: How can I get my husband to be wilder in bed?

For our Sex Q & A this week, Thenest.com’s Dr. Pam Spurr, author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple’s Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure, gives tips on how to get your partner to find his or her wild side in bed.

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Q. My husband is very conservative in his everyday life and in bed. How can I get him to let loose for hotter sex?

A. Usually we think men are the ones who are always trying to encourage their women to be a bit more adventurous. But just as often, it’s women who want to cut loose and are worried about upsetting their husband.

The best place to start? Ask yourself why you think he’s conservative and shy in bed. Is it simply low sexual confidence? Or maybe a lack of sexual experience before meeting you? Is it something more complex, like he got burned in a past relationship and that makes him feel he can’t let go fully? Sometimes understanding why a person is shy and conservative in bed helps to change things for the better.

The next tip is to always heap loads of praise on a shy partner when he even starts something new or a little different. The more praise he gets, the more he’ll think to himself, Ooh, this feels good! I’m being told how amazing I am! So if he begins to touch you in a new place or slightly alter his position, tell him how good it feels!

Next, you can invest in a sex guide and tell him you’d love him to highlight something he might want to try.

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Share your experiences, comments, views and opinions by commenting below!

Sex Q & A: Fantasizing About Someone Else?

For our Sex Q & A this week, Thenest.com’s Dr. Pam Spurr, author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple’s Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure, gives his view about fantasizing about someone else while in a relationship.

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Q. I’m happily married, but I still can’t help fantasizing about this sexy guy I had a thing with back in college. Am I a bad wife?

While it's natural to wonder about the what-ifs, make sure your fantasy about someone else doesn't snowball into an obsession.

A. No, you’re definitely not a bad wife! It’s a natural part of human nature to wonder about the what-ifs and subconsciously create scenarios out in your sleep. Just make sure it doesn’t snowball into an obsession, like fantasizing about him during waking hours. Or letting it make you resent your husband, thinking you didn’t play the field enough before getting married. If so, ask yourself why you have a sense that the grass might have been greener if you’d taken things further with this guy.

You should also look to rekindle some of the spark with your husband. Focus all of your energies on him and your relationship so that you can keep your fantasies in perspective. Call your husband up to say something loving and sexy. It’s the little things that can correct the balance. Also get real: Remind yourself that this “dream guy” does have flaws in real life and chances are you weren’t compatible. There’s a big reason why you and your husband made it to the altar, and you and your crush didn’t. There’s nothing like a little reality check to turn a fantasy on its head.

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Sex Q & A: Does size really matter?

We figured it’s impossible to give too much sex advice. However, some of you may have questions that you would like to ask and we will do our best to find the answers! To start of our weekly Sex Q & A,  Thenest.com answers one question that every man (and woman) asks at least once: “Does Size Really Matter?”

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Q. Does size really matter when it comes to having more or less pleasure in bed?

A.

Girlfriends will say all sorts of things about size and the like, but at the end of the day, what’s most important is that you and your husband share your own style of sexual enjoyment. Some women are “size queens,” but don’t buy the hype! Men on the small side are often kings when it comes to foreplay because they try to make up for what they think they’re lacking. You can also choose positions where you can create the most friction: Try girl-on-top with your legs between his, and grind your clitoris against his pubic bone. Or get him behind you in doggy style — in this position, even a less-endowed guy can reach your G-spot if you tilt your hips up toward him.

Dr. Pam Spurr is the author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple’s Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure.

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